Family Rules

I borrowed these family rules from the principle over at Lawrence Virtual Academy (which is the school I'm using for homeschooling my daughter, see links below) and I turned them into a more decorative sign of sorts. My intent is for you to be able to download this art/text and use them yourself, if you'd like.  I'm not technologically inclined so it may not work like I envision.  Regardless, feel free to e-mail me and I'll send the file to you in either PDF or JPEG format.

Lawrence Virtual Academy through K12.com

Homeless

We are currently in the midst of a very big life transition for our family.  My husband is moving into active duty Army from his current service as a Reservist.  He’s only been in the Reserves a year but he loves it so much he’s going full-time.  That process as a whole has been interesting.  “Hurry up and wait”, no truer words have ever been spoken in regards to the military.  Due to several mistakes (mostly on the part of his Unit Administrator) he was delayed for training.  Of course, we didn’t find this out until I’d already made plans to spend the three months we expected him to be gone with my mom and step dad.  So, we’d already given up our lease on the house we were renting, I’d purchased one-way tickets to the Pacific Northwest, and I’d braced the kids for a big transition; only to find out my husband wasn’t going to training in June but rather, the end of August. 

Off we went, leaving the hubby behind to work and save money, him staying at a local conference center/ campsite dormitory.  His plan was to meet up with us in the Pacific Northwest at the beginning of August to spend two weeks with us before leaving (finally) for training in August.  Well, things worked out differently than we’d planned (surprise) and we flew back out to my dad’s house in the mid-west to stay with him, altogether, as a family for a month and a half.  In September, the kids and I (hubby will be at his training) will fly to the east coast to visit with my sister for about 6 weeks until the hubs graduates.  After that, it’s onto our first duty station and (hopefully) some stability. 

All this to say, we’re in the middle of about 6 months of being homeless.  Not living-on-the-streets homeless, just without our own place.  We are dependent, completely, on the goodwill of others.  Talk about humbling!  This post, and at least the next post, will be related to the lessons I’ve learned thus far in regards to our living conditions.  Though, I suspect there will be many further posts referring back to this state, considering how far reaching one’s living conditions are. 

The first, and most important lesson I’ve learned is the importance of building a strong community around yourself.  Though I have been, and will be, staying with family the friends around me have been vital! My most important task upon reaching the Pacific Northwest was to find a church that was ready and willing to connect with us.  After four weeks of attempting to find that at my mom’s church, and failing, I set off on my own and was met with success.  I have to say, it was terrifying.  I found a women’s Bible study and went.  I know connections are easier on a one-on-one level and so I figured a Bible study would be better than the church service.  There is honestly nothing scarier than to walk into a room full of women you don’t know.  I was emotionally raw and super vulnerable.  Rather than hiding that, I embraced it.  Why the fear?  Well, as the former fat kid/dorky nerd girl (formerly fat, still dorky and nerdy) I got a lot of teasing as a kid.  I struggled with OCD issues and had a lot of odd habits that were easy targets for the bullying sort.  My sister used to walk me to school on a leash and have the special needs kids pet me. Yeah. I struggled to fit in. I get it.  I really do.  It’s hard to be vulnerable.  To open yourself up to be hurt.  Something happens after our school years and it becomes really hard to let others in.  It takes tons of persistence and an insane vulnerability to make good friends. But it is worth it.  So very worth it! 

 I scanned a room of about 8 huge round tables and picked one.  I walked up to a table half-full and asked, “May I join you?” And what do you know!  They all smiled and said, “Yes!” No horns.  No snickering. No judging.  Just honest acceptance.  Praise the Lord! By the end of our two hours together I had found my new tribe! It was heartbreaking to leave those beautiful women when the time came.

The most valuable lesson I have learned in my life to date is the importance of investing in people.  Not only is it important because it forces you to be less selfish (maybe one day I’ll write a whole blog on just that), but it is important because when life gets hard the investment carries a return.  Here in the mid-west I had/have a wonderful group of friends to rely on.  These are the women I go to when the kids drive me crazy, when my life is too much, when life is fantastic and I just need to celebrate.  They’re like sisters to me.  I pray for them daily.  I am blessed to know them.  When they hurt, I hurt.  That kind of friendship.  Being used to that and then leaving left me feeling quite disjointed.  I knew that it was important to find women in my new area to invest in.  By going to a smaller group setting and putting myself out there (even fearing rejection) I showed them that I was in it to win it!  I would encourage you to see who you can connect with, who you can serve.  You may be surprised, and amazingly blessed, with the results.

Face Lift

Alright, here’s the deal.  Craig keeps insisting that I blog.  He thinks I have some talent with the written word or whatever.  I enjoy the creative outlet that it gives me but I don’t enjoy the sense of commitment required to build a legit blog.  All that considered, I’m blogging.  I’m hoping to commit to twice a week with this.  I’ve changed the name from My One And A Half Cents to Duct Tape And Straight Jackets.  Couple reasons. One, it just sort of feels like a name change was warranted. You know how in scripture any time there is a big event people’s names are being changed?  Same thing here.  But less flashy. Maybe.  Two, I didn’t really have a strong connection with MOAAHC as a name.  I just kind of picked it.  Now, Duct Tape and Straight Jackets?  That I have a connection with.  My running joke is that all I need for parenting is duct tape and a straight jacket.  Kids being rowdy? Duct tape and a straight jacket.  Kids talking back? Duct tape and a straight jacket.  Won’t sit still at dinner? Duct tape and a straight jacket. Won’t take a nap? Duct tape and a straight jacket. See?  Soothes all parenting woes.  Of course I have never, and would never, actually use duct tape and a straight jacket on my kids.  But sometimes just the thought makes it all better. 

I plan to write about whatever strikes my fancy.  Sometimes that will be a crack at cheese-ball humor other times it will be more serious.  I promise it will always be real. Real life, real struggles, real joy.  Coming up (Thursday, hopefully) I intend to write on what I lovingly refer to as my current state of homelessness.  Granted I’m not actually living on the streets but I am without my own house.  I’m learning a lot in this time and I’m seeing some interesting things in my kids.  I also am wanting to process some of my thoughts on my daughter’s Tourette’s diagnosis and her accompanying OCD/ Anxiety disorders.  There’s a lot of stuff to unpack there, let me tell ya!  Mommy guilt, my own history with OCD behaviors, etc. I’m embarking on an online public school homeschooling adventure with my daughter as well this year. Oh! And let’s not forget the 3 year old Mr. Man who still needs to be potty trained.  Lots of fun coming up!

My wonderful hubby gave this to me for Mother's Day a few years back.  A real joker he is!  Put it in a frame, behind glass.  How am I supposed to access it quickly???  

If you want to see my more professional, have it all together side, join me at The Clean Life.

Musings

To say I've been stressed out lately would be an understatement.  Craig's contract at South Middle School was not renewed, he has joined the Army Reserves which means he leaves for Basic in May, he may end up doing AIT back to back with Basic which would mean he'd be gone until October or November (of course we won't know that until we've exhausted the job search for next year), and I've been working every evening for the last couple months - sometimes at both jobs leaving little time for date nights.

To cope, I have had a desire to be creative: to paint and make jewelry but haven't had a chance. My insomnia has been horrible allowing for only 3-5 hours of sleep a night. And my massive intake of sugar has left me broken out, fluffy, and with a massive sinus infection.

This past weekend I was in Boulder for my Crossfit Level 1 certificate training and I finally caught on to my need for expression so at 3am I grabbed the hotel pen and notepad and got to writing.  And the result is two poems and many tears and a better grasp of my emotions.

At Craig's prodding here are the poems:

Untitled

Racing thoughts through a slowing body,
Beatings of a frenzied heart.

Silence slowly swirls around me;
Lost, at least for now, in part. 

Words and pictures overwhelming,
The future now at hand. 

The weight of sorrow tempts to crush me-
When at last - I stand. 

In Truth

When the lies of sin scream;
Your truth is the whisper of peace. 

When worry swarms - dark;
Your truth is blinding light. 

When sorrow pervades;
Your truth is the joy in the morning. 

When loneliness cuts deeply;
Your truth cherishes fully. 

When doubts multiply;
Your truth is my promise. 

When I am found wanting;
Your truth provides. 

When life overwhelms;
Your truth sustains. 

When I seek escape from life;
Your truth gives fulfillment.

When shame compels hiding;
Your truth finds in love.

When all I have is lacking;
Your truth is bountiful. 

When silence engulfs;
Your truth speaks. 

My apostrophies for the day

1. If my children were predictable and manageable I would be able to accomplish all of my to-do list.

2. I am a task oriented person. I feel like a failure when I do not accomplish my goals for the day.

3. My children are most definitely NOT predictable nor are they manageable.

4. Chocolate is amazing, miraculous even.

5. I am blessed by a hubby who is willing to put off his to-do list so he can help me finish mine.

Here's hoping for a much better tomorrow!

Tragedy! (or, maybe just a sink full of dishes)

The dishes didn't get done last night. Wait, let me rephrase that. I learned in my psychology courses that stating it that way removes me from the cause-and-effect. So, I'll try again. I didn't do the dishes last night. There. I admitted it. I chose to not do the dishes.

This was a conscious choice. A purposeful non-action. It was also the first time since becoming a stay-at-home mom that I didn't accomplish all of my daily tasks on my checklist. You see, I'm somewhat (ok...super) task oriented. If it's on the list it gets done. Period. So this was a big step. I decided that since my 2 month old was finally asleep at a decent hour I would choose to go to bed. To cuddle my sweet hubby. To talk and giggle. To celebrate a sleeping baby. (plus, I'm super sick and welcomed extra sleep!) So, the dishes sat. All night. Not even rinsed. (it's ok, you can judge me. Really. It's ok) 

Then, I woke up late (sad when "late" is 6am). And my sleeping baby woke up early. Not even time for a shower before the hubs left. Dirty dishes, dirty Vanessa, dirty laundry (no time to start that either).

Not a good start. Craig joked that I was having an out-of-the-box morning. So, embracing that concept I got both kids ready early and went to the gym. Not to work out. Oh, no. To shower. :)  Yep. That's thinking outside the box! Dropped the kids off at the child care center at the gym and I took a long, hot shower (heehee).

I guess God is teaching me that it is ok to not do it all. There is always provision for what is important (like personal hygiene).  The other stuff is just that; stuff. It is people who matter. Taking time with Craig matters. And ya know what? The dishes were rinsed and in the dishwasher before I left for the gym. Fully clean when I got home. No big deal. :)

So...here's to living a life that's people centered, not task oriented!

Puddles, a.k.a. germaphobe nightmare.

I'm sure most of you won't be able to relate to this, but if you know me at all you know I'm slightly controlling, a bit of a germaphobe, and I like things to be well planned. Needless to say, having a 3 year old and a newborn stretches me daily.

A few weeks ago it was raining; a nice, gentle, steady rain. I told Elianna that if she took a good nap we'd play in the rain when she woke up. By the time she woke up the rain had stopped. I was relieved that I wouldn't have to play in the rain, getting wet and cold and probably dirty. This relief was short lived however as I watched her little heart break when she realized we wouldn't get to play. And so, in a moment of insanity/guilt/rare impulsiveness I offered, "we could play in the puddles!"

"What!", I thought, "what did you just say?"

Oh, the joy on her sweet little face! I couldn't take it back. Darn.

So out we went. Much to my horror the only puddles I saw were in the gutter. Oh no, she'd seen the puddles too. No getting out of it now. Crap. Breathing deeply, calming my nerves, putting on a brave face (poor kid is already neurotic enough with me as her mom she doesn't need one more thing to worry about) we went into the puddle. The puddle that was in the gutter. IN THE GUTTER! Ugh. Did I mention that we were barefoot? Yes. Barefoot. In a gutter. A GUTTER! Ok. I think you get it, I was not thrilled. I resisted every natural impulse and we played. For 10 minutes (baby steps, ok?) we played in the gutter puddle (gag). A dead bee floated by. She screamed (told you she was neurotic). I played it off, telling her it was ok (puke). I even gave her a stick to poke the bee with. Now, what did I want to do? I wanted to go back inside and give her a good lecture on decomposition and bacteria and scrub us both down with antibacterial soap (I would say bleach but I'm scared of bleach - more on that in another post). So see, I ignored my instincts and instead we played. She had a blast, swishing her hands in the muck, getting mud between her toes (still grosses me out). I tolerated it, choosing to focus on her delight instead of my impulses. I loved watching her play. It was fantastic! And after 10 minutes we went inside and I scrubbed us both down with antibacterial soap! :) We both got to do what we wanted! Though instead of a talk about germs I just asked her if she'd had fun.

The best part? We didn't die. We didn't contract a rare skin disease.  We didn't even get sick. I guess there are worse things than germs; like missing out on a super sweet moment with my super sweet little girl.