I knew this kid was a boy all along. How? "Because", I joked, "it has taken away all that I love and made my life miserable!" Ha! Yeah....not laughing so much at that joke anymore. It's hitting a little too close to home.
You see, I'm used to being invincible. I like being (or at least pretending to be) Superwoman. I'm what you call a do-er. Sure I can embrace the occasional lazy day but those are rare what with being enrolled in14 hours of classes (my last semester hooray!), working full-time, and being a mom/wife. This pregnancy though has forced me to slow down. Running has been a non-option for me this entire pregnancy (which I found out about 3 days after beginning my half-marathon training), this kid has given me mad crazy insomnia leaving me exhausted all day, and now I'm having contractions. Not sweet little "oh yay I'm half-way through my pregnancy" contractions. No. We're talking massive, stop me in my tracks (literally), make me cry out, bend me in half, painful contractions. My doctor says he'd have me on bed rest in an ideal world (to which I just laughed). As a compromise I'm staying on bed rest until Thursday at which point I will go back to work and see how I do. When I'm home I'm supposed to be resting (yeah right, I have a rambunctious almost 3 year old). My sweet hubby is trying his best to get me to rest, telling me to walk slowly, helping me out of the car, being super sweet. Thing is, it is hard to handle. I don't like feeling fragile. I don't like admitting I need help. I'm the strong one. I'm the one who helps others. I love helping others, I just don't like being helped. I knew this year would be a year of humbling for me. And it has proved true in SO many ways. But this is by far the hardest.
I have friends who battle health issues and I hear them talk (write) about their struggles to rely on God to get them through the day. They tell of their frustrations at not being able to do the simple things. I have always sympathized with them and truly tried to understand where they are in that stage of life but having been a very healthy, strong individual it is difficult to imagine. I'm getting a glimpse into that world and I don't like it. At all. I miss being able to play with Elianna the way she wants to play. Sitting on a couch all day isn't ideal for a 2 year old. But I've been instructed not to pick her up (we'll see how long that lasts). And last night when she climbed on me for a kiss she accidentally kneed me in the stomach which brought me to tears. Poor girl. Didn't understand how she made mommy cry. Those are the tough moments. Those are the moments that the tears go from being tears of physical pain to tears of emotional turmoil. I am not good at weakness. Not at all. Granted, 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." But that is for other people, right? Wrong. Apparently (as Craig pointed out so lovingly) God has some work to do and this is how He is doing it. To which I responded, "next time, wait until the contraction is over before giving me the God, Jesus, Love lecture. Otherwise, you may not live to see the next contraction. Ok? I love you!" Poor guy. He really is the best. And yes, I know God is doing a work in this but geez, I wish it didn't take so long. (Insert Craig's comment about me being slow to learn and quite stubborn. Ya' know....I'm not sure how he is still living. LOL!)
Until next time (hopefully not 6 months from now) I hope you enjoy this song...His Grace is Sufficient by Shane and Shane
Vanessa
